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The Pow Wow - Voices
Issue: 11/15/02
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Pickup-lines and two-bit sex at ULM
By Rob Bird
"So…what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"
"So…did you get hurt? …When you fell from Heaven?"
"I lost my phone number…could I have yours?"
"Do you have any Irish in you? No? Would you like some?"
Who came up with this crap?
Girls, does this stuff actually work? If it does, then who here has the problem? It sure isn't the guys. They're just fishing with cheap bait. You're the one swallowing it.
However, I don't think you're that naïve, at least not all of you. I think you're better than that. But, I could be wrong. I have been before.
How about a little honesty? Wouldn't that be nice? If you're horny, just come out and say it. Why are we taught to repress our urges? We are taught that we must go through certain pre-sexual rituals. What a crock of crap!
For instance, the act of buying drinks. Why should I buy you drinks all night in the hope that you will lay me? Sleep with me first and I'll buy you drinks all week. Doesn't that make more sense? Why should you get the reward before you do the trick?
And guys, there's something you need to do…grow up! It seems that men fall into one of two categories. Either you act like some Anthony Michael Hall, pain-in-the-ass, Mr. Sensitive or you're trying to be some tough, gangster-like, Eminem wanna-be. What's the deal? Women want originality, not some poser with an extreme case of penis envy.
Now, what happens if, either through honesty or subversion, you do get lucky? Well, this is where it gets complicated.
One of you will either fall in love or ignore the other one when it's over. Whatever happens, it isn't right. First of all, don't fall in love. You don't know anything about each other. He was horny and you were open to the idea of resolving that issue. That's it, nothing else! There was not a magical moment like in the movies. You did not see forever in his eyes, and she sure as hell does not complete you. It was just sex.
More than likely there was alcohol involved and, believe me, nobody's ugly at closing time.
The other option is wrong too. You just can't ignore the fact that you just bumped uglies with someone.
Who knows, you might need to tap into that resource again. Haven't you ever heard of networking? This goes for both ladies and gentlemen.
Ok, what if you do go out some more and it works out? Well, whoopee, I'm happy for you. But that's love crap and we'll leave that to Dear Abbey.
Let's talk about post-sex cold shoulders and breaking up.
If he or she does try to blow you off after sex, there is only one justifiable reason. You suck. Yes, you are one of the few who are better off alone in a restroom than in the sexual company of other humans.
You will not be allowed to procreate. Go practice on some trees or something. That's pretty much all you can say about that.
Breaking up, however, is very interesting. There are certain do's and don'ts you must follow.
Do: Give back any cheap thing they gave you.
Don't: Give back anything expensive.
Do: Bounce right back and go get laid.
Don't: Mope around and feel sorry for yourself.
Do: Drink
Don't: Think
Do: Buy something nice for yourself.
Don't: Buy something deadly for them.
That's just a few, but you get the point.
The main thing is not to stalk, threaten, or hurt anyone. You lost, go away. Who knows, maybe somebody else will actually like you.
Well, that's basically how it works here, or at any other university. (Except Tech. They have an entirely different set of issues there. It's the whole incest thing, you know? There's nothing worse than when a family member dumps you for a farm animal.) So, why don't we get out there and see what we can do to change things? We need more honesty and a free sexual spirit. No more games. No more lies. Let's all just grow up and get satisfied.
Rob Bird is a Monroe history and anthropology major sophomore honor student. The opinions in this column are his own and do not represent the opinions of the Department of Communications or tThe College of Art and Sciences.
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This guy has never scored.
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in all fairness, this is the article that appeared with it in "Voices"
The Pow Wow - Voices
Issue: 11/15/02
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This body not for sale
By Becky Magee
It's just sex. Anyone heard that before? In this culture, sex has become to most people as casual an act as watching television.
Whatever happened to sharing your body with only that one person you felt in your heart you loved? For that matter, whatever happened to the act of falling in love?
Have we as a society become so calloused and unwilling to share our heart with someone that we would insist on cheapening something as intimate as sex to protect us from having to care about someone?
Somewhere along the way we forgot just how wonderful it is to fall in love. Feeling a true connection with another person and beginning to care deeply for them can be one of the most wonderful experiences in life. Sure, breakups are hard. I've had to go through enough of them myself, but I wouldn't give up the good times to get rid of the bad. Relationships are just another part of life. Bad things happen, people change, and sometimes, move on. Who can really look back on their past relationships and say they truly regret the time they spent with people they loved.
I have spent many painful days and nights because of a guy I was either dating or had just broken up with, but I think those times made me a better person. As a close friend of mine has told me on occasion, struggle only makes you stronger.
It's through this trial and error process of giving your heart, not your body, to someone that helps you identify what kind of person you want to spend your life with. Jumping in bed immediately to see how 'compatible' you are is ludicrous.
The idea of abstinence is considered an antiquated idea in this era of "safe sex". Everyone's too concerned with what feels good at the moment to really put any thought into the consequences of their actions. First, consider all the STDs out there. You can't truly believe that there's no way you'll ever get sick. If the person you're sleeping with is okay with casual sex with you, how do you know just whom else they've had sex with. Also, you can't tell me you develop no attachment or emotional bond with someone you have sex with. It's because of these consequences that we spend so much time making excuses for why it's okay to go home with someone you just met.
'We're beyond making relationships before having sex,' or so they say.
Yeah, to know someone finds you attractive can be a real self esteem booster, but that can last only so long. So maybe we as a society should look at what we've become and why it is we have to find ways of justifying the inability to just keep our pants on.
There's a new song out called "Save Yourself" that sums it all up for me. Maybe the next time you see some hot guy or chick you should think about investing some time getting to know that person with their clothes on. Who knows, you just might find something more satisfying than a one-night-stand.
Becky Magee is a Winnsboro Mass Communications major and staff writer for The Pow Wow.
