-
1.A can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air.
2.Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling.
3.The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.
4.The room is spinning, and you're not even drunk yet.
5.That car in your front yard isn't on blocks -- it's levitating by
itself.
6.Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view
of rasslin'.
7.That mysterious scratching below the floorboards? The Telltale
Raccoon.
8.The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet.
9.You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio.
10.The trailer is shaking, but there's no tornado in sight.
11.Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.
12.The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice
running down his chin.
13.Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out "Achy Breaky Heart."
14.There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib--no wait
that's Jimmy.
15.You hear strange moaning—but only during Shania Twain videos.
16.You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee.
17.The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.
18.You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in
jail.
19.You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what you did last
NASCAR race."
20.Instead of saying "boo" the ghost says "boo-ya'll!"
21.The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin... and he's peeing
on YOU!!
22.Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have
pictures of covered bridges on them.
23.The folks on Jenny Jones discuss domestic problems that eerily
resemble your own.
24.You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because Richard Simmons is on
TV.
25.You come home one day and it's clean.
-
Small Town
You Know You're Born and Raised in a small town
When. . .
During a storm you check the cattle before you
check the kids.
You are related to more than half the town.
You can tell the difference between a horse
and a cow from a distance.
Your car breaks down outside of town and news
of it gets back to town before you do.
Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming
traffic.
You don't buy all your vegetables at the
grocery store.
You don't put too much effort into hairstyles
due to wind and weather.
There's a tornado warning and the whole town
is outside watching for it.
The local gas station sells live bait.
You go to the State Fair for your family
vacation.
You get up at 5:30 am and go down to the
coffee shop.
You're on a first name basis with the parish
sheriff.
When little smokies are something you serve
on special occasions.
You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.
All your radio-preset buttons are country.
You try to find the cheapest room rates when
going out of town.
Using the elevator involves a grain truck.
Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber,
and insurance salesman.
You know you should listen to the weather
forecast before picking out an outfit.
You call the wrong number and talk to the person
for an hour anyway.
Your excuse for getting out of school is that
the cows got out.
You know cow pies aren't made of beef.
You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when
it's still light.
You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.
You can tell it's a farmer working late in his
field and not a UFO.
Your nearest neighbour is in the next area code.
You know the difference between field corn and
sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
You know the code names for everyone on the CB.
You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in
under 20 seconds.
You wear your boots to church.
It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination
and it's clear across town.
You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell
of feedlot apart.
The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in
the tractor with him.
You go to Wal-Mart for your Saturday shopping.
Your main drag in town is two blocks long.
