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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is...

Q: How do LSU fans practice safe sex?


A: They get rid of all the animals that kick.

Q : What's the best way to circumcise an LSU fan?

A : Kick his sister in the chin.

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and

only the wife and...

ULM: Kepping ugly girls out of Tech since 1931

I had to read it a couple times, but that is AWESOME!!!

One of my favorites from Ron White:

I took my two dogs, Birdie and Bogey, for a walk the other day, and this lady stopped me and said, "Ah, well that's clever. You've named them after your golf...

The real one's not too far off...

http://www.homeruncards.com/imagesrc/bondstp.jpg

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions
at the Entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY...

The Complete Military History of France

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html

My favorites:

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also...

Flying The Unfriendly Skies

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that...

Utah state fans mock reggie theus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0raaHSoC7k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6omQ5JjjLsE

Eddie Izzard talking about WWII. Ignore that he's a crossdresser and he's pretty funny

Warning: strong language

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the...

According to the Chicago Tribune, the following statistic was given in the press notes for the June 7 Chicago-Oakland game:
The Oakland Athletics are 32-0 in games in which they have scored more...

24

nah, I'd drown about 50 yards out

What's the big deal? I like to swim the Atlantic Ocean once a month just to get a good work-out in and get the blood flowing.

In most of the United States , there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to single digits or below.

About 3 AM, one very cold morning, an...

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country.

#15-"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them...

A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks...

I found some more court transcripts:

ATTORNEY: What is your brother-in-laws name?
WITNESS: Borofkin
A: What's his first name?
W: I cant remember
A: Hes been your brother-in-law for years, and...

And now for the State I spent the other half of my life-

You know you're from Oklahoma when...

- You know the difference between the city of Durant and the city of Doo-rant.

- It doesn't...

You know you're from Louisiana when...

You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"

Every so often, you have waterfront property.

When giving directions you use...

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.

After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop,...