GOV- ELECT: Me, I gots dis collect telephone call to anyone on dat end from the Governor-elect. Will you accept dem temporary telephone charges?
DR. DAN: Errrr---- (Stumbling) --- Yes, I'll accept! Ahhh, Madam Governor-Elect!! Congratulations, on your victory. Thank you for your call. I meant to call you earlier, but things have been hectic around here and with all that's been going on, I plum forgot to call and congratulate you. Before we proceed, that rumor you heard about me supporting your opponent? It just isn't true and I wanted you to hear that from the horses’ mouth! You know that I support women in politics and its been my thinking all along that it was time for a woman to occupy our governor’s mansion – and I always thought you would be the perfect fit. I can’t wait for January 15 when you’re sworn in. The Mrs. and I will be down for the ceremony, if its OK, and afterwards I’d like to bend your ear about some critical needs in Ruston.
GOV-ELECT: Why tank you Dr. Dan for taking my call. Me, I’m looking forward to working wid you. If dare’s anyting you need, remember dat I am just one cellophane paper call away. I’ll have one of dem state dial-um-up widout-dem-wire phones, so call me up whenever your finger gets dat itch! My husband and I, we have always had dat greatest respect for dat Lolly Polly ---errrr Tech ---family, jus as we do for dat Norteas family and dat Nortwestern family. Yawl got lots of cousins I bet! He remarked just the udder day dat your football program was right back on track of where he tinks it should be --- jus beside dat Norteas program over dare in Funroe. He talked some big words like it wuz nationally ranked and everyting. 117 out of 117 ain’t bad you know. He says dat it’s different in dat football --- an dat 117 means you lead the pack. I jus want you to know dat all of us people of Louisiana are real proud of you and real proud of Tech for leading dat nation like dat. By the way, he said you beat a dat Michigan State team? How’d yawl do dat? You mine tellin’ me?
DR. DAN: Uhhhh, yes we did. Our young men and our coaches were magnificent. It was an unusual day for us --- one we shall never forget. It was a bright day for our program. Uhh, by the way, are you sure your husband was talking about Louisiana Tech when making his remarks or was it Georgia Tech? You know we appreciate it when anyone outside our area takes note of what we’re doing up here so it is an honor to hear such glowing remarks – especially when coming from Louisiana’s first-gentleman-to-be.
GOV-ELECT: Oh, yes! He use to be one of dem football coaches over at dat USL way down in dat Lafayette, so he knoz a little bit about dat sport. (laughing) It got to be one of dem Tech boys from the pass dat really helped my husband make up dat famous reputation he got for being dat madman on dem sidelines at dem Cajun football games. He did some tings back den dat he would normally not be doing. You may have heard about him in that crazy way, but don’t listen to anyting you hear dats bad about him. He’s a big-wig VP down here at dat UL now … you know, at dat "REAL" UL and is kinda running dat big show down dare from behind the background. – kinda like he will do wid my office, (with a twinkle in her eye --- AND HIS too if he’s eavesdropping) He’s such a little cutie. I just love him to det!
DR. DAN: Uhhhhh!
GOV-ELECT: It seems dat everytime dat little blonde boy from dat past, I tink his name was Bradshirt --- errr Bradsheet --- errr Bedsheet ---errr Bradshaw--- yep Bradshaw --- that everytime dat little blonde Bradshaw fella threw one of dem big long touchdown passes against dem Cajuns, my hubby would run up and down dem sidelines like a wild stuffed pig wid his both hands down da front of his pants, Shah, in front of God and EVERYBODY! You should have SEEN dat! What wuz really happenin’ wuz it used to be real cold for dem games and I suppose he’d forget where he was when keeping dem hands warm. (laughing) He used to leave dat house widout his gloves so the best he cud do wuz put em in dat warm spot on his body which happened to be down the front of his pants. An when he would come home, he would get me real mad, me, by not washing dem hands ... well, nevermind! You don’t need to know what they always smelled like they did.
DR. DAN: Well, uhh, I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting him, and when I do, well, I’m sure I’ll greet a very charming person, but certainly hope he’s washing his hands after being out in the cold now.
GOV-ELECT: You’re such a comodian, Dr. Dan, you devil you. He’s just a harmless graying little old man … setting his sights on retiring, him and me, and hunting.. and trying to fix USL’s big football mess --- dat he kinda knows sumtin about.
DR. DAN: OH?
GOV-ELECT: Dr. Dan, dats where you can come in and help me an him out in one of dem complicated mathematical equation problems we got. I’d like to offer you a "prostitution." See, we have dis friend of ours in BAton Rouge dat we made one of dem little promises to a few years back, an tings kinda got outa hand before we could come outa dat satring gate. You know what I mean? Well, anyway, our friend, who we call T-Cleo, did some real nice election tings for us in dem New Orleans, Baton Rouge and Shreveport big city towns dat we knew we would have some real troubel wid. An cents our plan backfired a little bit on us, maybe you can help me an him take care of our friends’ friend. You know we ALWAYS take care of dem friends. And thier friends too! Dats jus the way it is.
DR DAN: Oh yes, Madam Governor-elect, I think I know what you’re referring to. I heard you might be addressing something with me before you took office. Could this be the Jerry Baldwin matter? If it is, I know a little about that. How can I help?
GOVERNOR-ELECT: Well, I hate to ax you dis, me, but if you could do sumting real nice for me and my hubby and give our friend T-Cleo's friend, Jerry, a job at your school, me an him would be so proud of you. You see, we tink dat by hiring him dat would take his little mind away from dat lawsuit he filed in dat courtroom when he thought dem people were ganging up on him at USL. If you hire him, we tink he'd forget about dat whole ting they got down dare and they could use dat money they would have to pay him to put some new hinges and paint on dem football lockers down dare. What you tink? My hubby and I always remember our friends, him and me, an if you can do dat for us, dat would be real nice. If you do dat, we'll let you be our friend, OK?
DR. DAN: Well, uhh, uhhh, well, yes. I always like to accommodate where I can, Madam Governor-Elect and I THINK I know what you mean. The coach you're referring to is fine man and except for that stupid little dumba$$ lawsuit he filed, he's a Christian man. We know him well. He’s a fine football coach and since I know a great deal about football, I know the goods ones fromthe bad. No doubt about it! But the fact is, we have a better man in that job right now and things are a bit more complicated than you’d think. We just gave our man one of those "votes of confidence" you give someone when you know they're trying hard, but can't seem to get it going. It's a TECH FAMILY thing that will be straightened out in four or five years or so, so something right now in the way of helping your frined might be difficult to address -- from our end. Hummmm, thinking about it though, maybe you could help us out a little yourself. Maybe if you gave us, ummmmm, let's say $450,000 to slide under his office door, maybe for a “packing party? Then, if he packs and leaves in the middle of the night, we might have an easier time finding something for your friend's friend, Jerry.
GOV-ELECT: Skuse me Dr. Dan, Skuse me for jus one minute ... I got one of dem important calls coming in, can you hold on to dat place where we were talkin' for one little bit?
DR. DAN: Why, of course. Go right ahead.
GOV-ELECT: Dr. DanQ Dr. Dan! You’ll never guess who dat was on dat other telephone line! Whew!!! It was one of dem famous seven-way telephone conversations from dem Presidents an AD's at dat Nortwestern, Norteas and Grambling schools. And it’s like I said once before, I have some good dis-respek for all our college presidents over here in Louisiana because day all do such a wonderful and good job. They said you did the right ting with dat "vote and confidence ting" and by doing dat, they say dat keeps a good 117 team in nort Louisiana and even wid all dem other schools around you. I guess you’re a genius after all, so maybe we, you and I, should forget about dat big favor I was going to be axing you. Maybe we can work on something else for Jerry? What you tink?
DR. DAN: Well, uhh, uhh, yes we can. Before we end our call, I want you to know I am here as your humble servant and I promise to be loyal to you. Please tell your husband’s boss that I should be in touch with him soon...that this conference thing we’re in seems to be falling apart and will see us back together in another partnership I'm sure I'll cherish.
GOV-ELECT: Well Dr. Dan, tank you alot. I'll pass along dat information. One other ting ... Before me an you hang up, I got to tell you about one of dem rumors myself. I really want you to know dat I don’t believe for a boudin minute dat rumor about you supporting dat little Jingle Bells fella who ran agis me --- jus as you should know dat me and my husband never EVER yelled "TECH SUCKS" all dat time he was coaching in dat USL football stadium an den afterwards when he led dem little panty raids an pep rallies before dem Tech and USL games. An what you heard I said about me standin' behind dat LSU as dat FLAGSHIP UNIVERSITY? Well, you need to know dat I did not say what day said I said. You need to know I know nutting about dem kind of ships. What I tink happened was dis. A big rat in the back was chewing on dem sound cables causing one of dem electrifical malfunctions in dat Baton Rouge TV studio we were talkin' in dat night. Dat's what made my real words I was talkin' come out of my mout dat wrong way. What you tink?
DR. DAN: Don’t worry madam Governor-elect, I am definitely smart enough to know that never happened adn also smart enough to know about those rats in Baton Rouge. Take care now, and again, my heartiest congratulations!! Bye.
GOV-ELECT: Bye, Pudge ---errrr Dr. Dan.
DISCLAIMER: Dem personalities an some of dem names talked about in here may or may not be the trut, but dem facts, day could be.
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Originally Posted by aubunique
