Another attempt to lighten things up a tad

[TYLERTECHSAS]

Mississippi Student Absentees


I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi school district. (Spellings have been left intact.)

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had(diahre)(dyrea)(direathe) the shits.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.


Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Brenda, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night

[SportTechFan]

Funny - how about this?

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY


1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A
HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.



2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM, AND DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.


3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT THAT
"SUPER-SIZED."


4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN".



5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEEMAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER
THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.



6. IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL YOUR CHECKS, WRITE "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS."

7. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."

8. REFUSE TO USE PUNCTUATION


9. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.


10. ASK PEOPLE WHAT GENDER THEY ARE.

11. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THRU ORDER IS "TO GO."

12. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.


13. GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME


14. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA, THEN PLAY A TAPE OF JUNGLE
SOUNDS ALL DAY.


15. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY
BECAUSE "YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD".


16. HAVE YOUR COWORKERS ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR WRESTLING NAME, "ROCK HARD".


17. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT OF THE ATM, SCREAM, "I WON, I WON! THIRD TIME
THIS WEEK!!!!!"


18. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"


19. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."


AND THE FINAL WAY TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY....


20. SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK, EVEN IF THEY SENT IT
TO YOU

[TYLERTECHSAS]

Those are great!