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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
A Cajun is sitting in the Airport in Houston. He's bragging to a small crowd about how huge his farm is. He just keeps telling about every little detail and about all the sites on his acerage. A Texan sitting next to the crowd just cannot take it any longer - yells out, "Huge? You think you have a huge farm? Let me tell you about my place. I get up at the crack of dawn, hop in my pickup truck and I head out due West and drive all day long with just one brief break at lunch time. As the sun sets, I look due west and I STILL can't see the western border of my ranch. Now, what do you have to say, Cajun???"
Not to be out done, the Cajun nods his head confidently and retorts " I know jes what you mean, I got a pickup jes like dat!"
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
This New York fella was just certain his wife was cheating on him while he was at work. So, one day he returns to his apartment early and surprises his wife.
"Okay, where is he?"
"Who?" his wife asks
"You know who! That fellow you're cheating with!"
He proceeds to search the apartment in a rage, ripping things from the closets, turning over furniture....finally he spies an open window that leads to the fire escape. He steps out and sees a man just zipping up his pants in the alley.
"Ah, hah! there he is!"
He looks around, and in a fit of rage lifts the refrigerator and tosses it out, killing the poor man below.
Three men appear at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asks the first, how did you die? The man says, "Well, I was just relieving myself in an alley when a refrigerator lands on me, crushing me."
A second man walks up, "St. Peter, I did a bad thing. I thought my wife was cheating on me, and in a fit of anger I died of a heart attack while tossing a major appliance out of the window."
A third man walks up. St. Peter asks him how he died.
"Well, St. Peter, I was hiding in a refrigerator and some idiot tossed it out of the window!"
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
OLDBLUE, dawg80,
This thread is for STUPID jokes. Your's were actually funny.
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
Why did the blond have lipstick on her steering wheel?
She tried to blow the horn.
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
World's worst coon dog...
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
Two drunks were on Bourbon Street and they see a dog licking himself.
One of the drunks said, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The other one said, "Go ahead. He won't bite."
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
Okay, Sorry. My favorite BAD Joke:
A painter is desperate to create a little cash flow. He bids on a parsonage waaay under quoting the job. He gets the job and decides to make the deal work by "cutting" the paint. After applying the diluted coat, he knocks on the door to receive his pay. The preacher comes out gives the job a look and shakes his head and mumbles about how poor the job looked.
The painter felt so bad he confessed to the preacher that he had diluted the paint, it was a terrible job.
The preacher smiles and says "REPAINT, and THIN no more!"
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
Okay, a bad joke:
A trucker is bringing a trailer load of monkeys to the city zoo for the new exhibit. It's a hot, summer day. His truck breaks down and he grows concerned about the well-being of the monkeys in the non-air conditioned trailer. He sees a truck coming along without a trailer and he flags the guy down.
"Hey, here's a $100 please take these monkeys to the zoo."
The trucker agrees and he hooks up to the trailer and off he goes.
Several hours later the first trucker, still stranded on the roadside, sees the other guy coming back and he still has the trailer full of monkeys. So, he flags him down.
"What's up, I gave you money to take these monkeys to the zoo."
Second guys says, "I did. Now I'm taking them to the movies."
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....
"Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......
"Daaaa-aaaad...."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
A little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown"
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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Re: SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
ROTFLMAO! These are GREAT! Keep them coming. We need some laughs BIG TIME right now!
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