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Thread: Paw-Litical Jokes

  1. #211
    Champ TYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond repute
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes


  2. #212
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes


  3. #213
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    The Secret Code

    After a President has been in office for 1 year it is customary for the
    last President to send a note to the new president. So when the note came from
    Bush to Obama, the President was somewhat troubled because it was written in
    code and all it said was:

    370H-SSV-0773H

    This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former
    president Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged. So he took the note
    to his wife. She was unable to decipher it.

    They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They
    called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail and they were
    unable to determine the meaning of the note.

    Now there was complete panic in the Oval Office. They called all of
    their contacts in the media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not
    one was able to come up with an answer. A special emergency meeting was called
    by the staff and the best minds were unable crack the code.

    After a sleepless night, a now humbled President Obama picked up the
    phone and called the former president, and asked him the meaning of the note.

    George Bush chuckled and replied---" you're holding it upside down"!

  4. #214
    Champ hoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond reputehoppinmad has a reputation beyond repute
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Putin Quote


    This has a ring of truth...

    Vladimir Putin allegedly said off the record:

    "Negotiating with Obama is like playing chess with a pigeon.
    The pigeon knocks over all the pieces, shits on the board and
    then struts around like it won the game."




























  5. #215
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Welfare Check

    A young man walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

    The social worker behind the counter said..."Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

    "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

    The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

    The social worker said, "Yeah, well...You started it."


  6. #216
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Logging on to obamacare:




    "Sorry, your password has been in use for 1 day and has expired - you must register a new one."
    roses
    "Sorry, too few characters."
    pretty roses
    "Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
    1 pretty rose
    "Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
    1prettyrose
    "Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
    1****ingprettyrose
    "Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
    1****INGprettyrose "Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
    1****ingPrettyRose
    "Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
    1****ingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeA ccessRight****ingNow!
    "Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
    1****ingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAc cessRight****ingNow
    "Sorry, that password is already in use!"

  7. #217
    Champ TYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond repute
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    In case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

    1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

    2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

    3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

    4. No one knows your secret place.

    5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

    6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

    7. The water is so clear that you can make out the face of the Congressman, Senator or President you are holding underwater.

    See it worked. You're smiling. You feel better already.

  8. #218
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Only in California ... both William Tell and Rossini would crap:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_0aAIwcE7A

  9. #219
    Champ TYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond repute
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Remember what Nancy Pelosi
    said about Obamacare?

    “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it”
    A physician called into a radio show and said:
    "That's the definition of a stool sample"

    That pretty well sums it up

  10. #220
    Champ TYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond repute
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Wish it were just a bad joke.

    Subject: Affordable Boat Act


    The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The Affordable Boat Act," declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April 2014. These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000 - $155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

    This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.

    In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then they must purchase their own boat.

    If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.

    Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

    A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.

    Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so........its only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

    Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.

    If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else.

    Yes...it's that stupid..

  11. #221
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    An NSA agent walks into a bar.

    Barman: "I've got a joke for you..."

    Agent: "Already heard it...!"

  12. #222
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes


  13. #223
    Champ TYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond reputeTYLERTECHSAS has a reputation beyond repute
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes


  14. #224
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    "All around me I see nothing but panic, disorder, and chaos. At last, my work here is done. " -annon. (or was it BHO?)

  15. #225
    Champ OLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond reputeOLDBLUE has a reputation beyond repute
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Annoy a liberal. Use facts and logic including truth.
    Oh, that's right, whose truth?

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