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Thread: Paw-Litical Jokes

  1. #31
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Alaska Bear Hunt
    >
    >
    > The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of
    > Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the
    > Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the
    > woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Vote for Obama' hat
    > and a 'Save the Trees' t-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically
    > and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot
    > grizzly.
    >
    > As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers with
    > 'Go Sarah' t-Shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the
    > bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding,
    > semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the
    > three loggers finished off the bear, and two of them threw it onto the bed
    > of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the
    > back seat.
    >
    > As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I
    > give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there
    > was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental
    > activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'
    >
    > As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, 'Who was that
    > guy?'
    >
    > 'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with
    > Heaven and has access to all wisdom.'
    >
    > 'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he
    > doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still
    > alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?'



  2. #32
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    A $50 Lesson

    I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she
    grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents,liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? ' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

    Her parents beamed with pride.


    'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't
    have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn,pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work,and you can just pay him the $50? '

    I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

  3. #33
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by beaux66 View Post
    lol hey i warned you it was bad. It was actually told to me by my extremely Republican brother. And hopefully at my age I am done having children. But no i wouldn't wish that on anyone.
    I want to know it now.

  4. #34
    Varsity Bulldog barkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of lightbarkly is a glorious beacon of light barkly's Avatar
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass."

    Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first guy off his bar stool, then stomps out.

    He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's ass too!"

    Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.

    He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?"

    "Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."

  5. #35
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    The 'Hero of Chappaquiddick' speaks on why he supports amnesty for those sneaking across the Rio Grande. This may just be the quote of the century!!

  6. #36
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    This ones for you Ray!!!


    The Lie Clock


    A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St.
    Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
    behind him.

    He asked, "What are those clocks?"

    St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on
    Earth has a Lie Clock.
    Every time you tell a lie,
    the hands on your clock will move."

    "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is
    that?"

    "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never
    moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

    "Incredible," said the man, "and whose clock
    is that?"

    St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's
    clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told
    only two lies in his life."

    "Where's President Obama's clock?" asked
    the man.
    "Obama's clock is
    in Jesus's office, he's using it as a ceiling
    fan."

  7. #37
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    I ordered my new T-shirt.









  8. #38
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by cowpoke1977 View Post
    This ones for you Ray!!!


    The Lie Clock


    A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St.
    Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
    behind him.

    He asked, "What are those clocks?"

    St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on
    Earth has a Lie Clock.
    Every time you tell a lie,
    the hands on your clock will move."

    "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is
    that?"

    "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never
    moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

    "Incredible," said the man, "and whose clock
    is that?"

    St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's
    clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told
    only two lies in his life."

    "Where's President Obama's clock?" asked
    the man.
    "Obama's clock is
    in Jesus's office, he's using it as a ceiling
    fan."

  9. #39
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama.
    The stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
    This enraged the President, and he demanded a full investigation.
    After a month of testing, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
    -The stamp is in perfect order
    -There is nothing wrong with the adhesive
    -People are spitting on the wrong side!

  10. #40
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by barkly View Post
    The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama.
    The stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
    This enraged the President, and he demanded a full investigation.
    After a month of testing, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
    -The stamp is in perfect order
    -There is nothing wrong with the adhesive
    -People are spitting on the wrong side!

  11. #41
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    I bought a new GMC Sierra and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.

    The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

    'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'

    'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers..

    Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson..

    I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, And if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of Their awesome songs.

    Yesterday, some guys ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid them.

    I yelled, 'Ass Holes!'

    Immediately the Iranian National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbra Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy On Scotch.

    Damn, I LOVE this truck

  12. #42
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Obama. Nuff said

  13. #43
    Champ TechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud ofTechsasDawg has much to be proud of TechsasDawg's Avatar
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    Big Grin Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Darbonnedawg View Post
    Obama. Nuff said

    Thanks, Shane. That's the biggest joke I seen in a very long time!!!



    TD
    ~~

  14. #44
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by TechsasDawg View Post
    Thanks, Shane. That's the biggest joke I seen in a very long time!!!



    TD
    ~~

    Unfortunately, the jokes on us.
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LouisianaTechMemphis/

    "Folks, our President is STEPPING UP & it is up to all of us FANatics to support what he is trying to do."

    MICKEYS14

  15. #45
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    Re: Paw-Litical Jokes

    The economy is so bad ......

    1) CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
    2) Jewish women are marrying for love.
    3) Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.
    4) Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
    5) Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.
    6) McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
    7) Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
    8) A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
    9) The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
    10) Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
    11) People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
    12) Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in the US?"
    13) Motel Six won't leave the light on.
    14) The Mafia is laying off judges.
    15) And finally...Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Hey, neat ... the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.
    Originally Posted by champion110
    I am less angry this morning and ready to get back up on the horse. That girl was a freak last night.

    Originally Posted by champion110
    In fact, I finally had to tell her to stop over the last weekend, because I was worn out and needed a break.

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