Paw-Litical Jokes

[TYLERTECHSAS]

The Worlds Shortest Books

______________________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL

By Hillary Clinton
________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
__________________________________ _
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
By Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates

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THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

___________________________________

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
By Dr. J.. Kevorkian
__________________________________

NEGROS I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING

By Tiger Woods

ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ......

By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel

____________________________________

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

By Mike Tyson
__________________________________

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

_______________________________________

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS

By O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
By Ted Kennedy
___________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
By Bill Clinton with introduction
By the Rev. Jesse Jackson
************************************************** *****

AND, JUST ADDED:

Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi

[RustonNative]

Obama wants Universal Health Care.

REALLY? Health care for the entire universe?!?
(heard on SNL, here)

[dawgmom]

[FishingBack]

Obama was just awarded a Nobel Peace Prize...oh wait...not a joke

[dawgmom]

Why didn't Obama win the Nobel Prize for literature? He authored two books, right?
Oh nevermind... that whole issue about Dreams From My Father was actually written by Bill Ayers. Nobel Committee probably frowns on that.

[dawgmom]

[TYLERTECHSAS]

To All My Democratic Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.
To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2010.

[TYLERTECHSAS]

This one is not a joke. just really cool!

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were
not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone
during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning
plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each
element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.
-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
- Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
- The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
- The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
- The six geese a laying stood for the six days of creation.
- Seven swans a swimming represented the seven fold gifts of the Holy Spirit -- Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership and Mercy.
- The eight maids a milking were the eight beatitudes.
- The nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit -- Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control.
- The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
- The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

[Cal&Ken]

I had a picture given to me at work this week. It was of a oil change place. The sign said "Free Nobel Peace Prize with Oil Change"

[DogtorEvil]

obamAvatar

[barkly]

Bush to be honored by the Obama Administration

The Obama Administration will be honoring the 43rd President of the United States.



It has asked the U. S. Board on Geographical Names to name the fault-line in the

tectonic area beneath Haiti after him.



(Yes, there is such a board, created in 1890 and updated in 1947.)


The area will now officially be referred to as "Bush's Fault"

[atobulldog]

Bush to be honored by the Obama Administration

The Obama Administration will be honoring the 43rd President of the United States.



It has asked the U. S. Board on Geographical Names to name the fault-line in the

tectonic area beneath Haiti after him.



(Yes, there is such a board, created in 1890 and updated in 1947.)


The area will now officially be referred to as "Bush's Fault"

BREAKING NEWS:

New research finds that this particular fault line runs under New Orleans. $1 billion has been given from the stimulus money to find how geological fault lines and hurricanes are connected. More to come.

[JuBru]

Is it a joke if it could be reality?

[TYLERTECHSAS]

SURVIVOR - - TEXAS STYLE


Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas-style."
The nine contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville ....... They will then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Midland , Odessa , Lubbock and Amarillo . From there, they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth , and finally back to Dallas .
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm a Democrat,"-- "I'm Gay,"-- "I love the Dixie Chicks,"-- "Boycott Beef,"-- "I Voted for Obama,"-- "George Strait Sucks,"-- "Hillary in 2012," and "I'm Here to Confiscate your Guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins....
God Bless Texas !

[TYLERTECHSAS]

Interesting perspective!

I'm sure most of us have read the so called comparison of Lincoln and Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and Lincoln...... You might be surprised.
Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and B. Hussein Obama:


1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois ..

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President... Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln was born in the United States .. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer

11. Lincoln saved the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.