The Little Red Hen

[Cal&Ken]

An updated version of 'The Little Red Hen'
Ethel C. Fenig

The classic children's fable has been updated for the times but the moral remains the same.

Once upon a time a little red hen called all of her Obama stimulus supporting neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Not I," said the pig.

"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Out of my classification," said the pig.

"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.

"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread.

"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.

"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.

"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.

"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and after they were finished she held them up for all of her neighbors to see. "Who shall help me eat this bread?" asked the little red hen.

"I will," said the cow. "I need to eat to make good milk and I don't have the time."
"I will," said the duck. "My welfare benefits don't provide bread."
"I will," said the pig. "I learned to eat in school."
"I will," said the goose. "If you don't give me any bread, that's discrimination."

But the little red hen said, "No, I made the bread I shall eat all five loaves." And she did.

"Excess profits!" cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)

"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)

"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)

The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)

And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then Farmer Obama came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."

"But I worked hard and earned the bread," protested the little red hen.

"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government system, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who who are not productive. It is only fair."

The little red hen smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."

The little red hen never again baked bread but signed up for all the free stimulus bread joining her friends the cow, the duck, the pig and the goose. And one by one all the bread bakers stopped baking bread, following the example of their friend, the little red hen. And soon there was no more bread and everyone was hungry.

And all the Democrats smiled. Fairness and equality had been established and ruled the land.

hat tip: Evie Pearlman

[personofbluecolor]

The financial crisis explained in simple terms:


Bambi is the proprietor of a bar in San Diego . In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Bambi's bar.

Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Bambi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales increase massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Bambi's borrowing limit.

He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into BEERBONDS, WINEBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negative attitude) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Bambi's bar.

However they cannot pay back the debts.

Bambi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

BEERBOND and WINEBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by only 80 %.

The suppliers of Bambi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political party.

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by massive new taxes levied on non-drinkers.

Finally an explanation I understand!

[Abominable Gorilla]

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.

Well hey, at least the cow had other bread, right? I wouldn't want to help someone work in the fields either after I came home from work. Then, since she offered, I sure as heck wouldn't turn down some freshly baked bread grown by a friend.