+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Fractured History Lesson

  1. #1
    GATA Goddess and Ultimate Fan Winner 2011 Dawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond reputeDawgmatic has a reputation beyond repute Dawgmatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Home of the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs!
    Posts
    13,395

    Fractured History Lesson

    I got this in an e-mail from a friend. You can decide how much of it is truly fractured! :icon_wink:



    For those that don't know about history....Here is a condensed version:


    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.


    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals, and

    2. Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

    Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because they thought it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, golfers and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history:

    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

    And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.

  2. #2
    Champ daybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the rough
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Kenner, LA
    Posts
    1,070

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Quote Originally Posted by Dawgmatic View Post
    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud.
    Bud is owned by InBev, a Belgian company.
    Miller is owned by SAB Miller, a South African company
    Coors is owned by Molson, a Canadian company.

    Every "imported beer" I have bought in the last 3 years is imported ALLLL the way from such "foreign" places as California, Michigan, Florida, New York, Boston... If you want to drink DOMESTIC, Bud, Miller, and Coors are as "domestic" as Nissan and Toyota. Go for Sam Adams, Harpoon, Anchor, Brooklyn, Rogue, Stone....etc

    (this is more of a beer geek rant, than an "angry liberal" rant)


    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

    It should be noted that a conservative will likely have sex with a small child before posting this to a message board.

    A liberal will merely point out a few of the hypocritical inaccuracies.

    (See, I can play too!)

  3. #3
    Bulldog UTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really niceUTdawg is just really nice
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Glenville, NY
    Posts
    111

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Quote Originally Posted by daybreaker3 View Post
    Bud is owned by InBev, a Belgian company.
    Miller is owned by SAB Miller, a South African company
    Coors is owned by Molson, a Canadian company.

    Actually, MolsonCoors was created through a merger of equals. While there may be a small point to be made concerning the fact that Molson comes first in the name, the Molson and Coors families in fact share equal control of the companies. Pete Coors is the Chairman of the board. Additionally, the stock is traded on both canadian and US stock exchanges. This information can be easily found through a well referenced wikipedia site.

  4. #4
    Dawg Adamant Argument Czar Guisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond repute Guisslapp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    In your mind and under your skin
    Posts
    29,875

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Regardless, Bud, Miller, and Coors are all too watered down to really be considered beer. Don't even get me started on their "light" offerings.
    Jordan Mills on choosing Tech:
    “It’s a great experience seeing them play. It was a good atmosphere. The fans stood up the whole game and never sat down. They have a great fan base.”

  5. #5
    Big Dog Darbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the rough
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    861

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    I wil just keep drinking Mic Ultra and I don't give a damn where it comes from.

  6. #6
    Champ FishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond reputeFishingBack has a reputation beyond repute FishingBack's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    12,764

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    "drinkability" is the new way to say "tastes like water"

  7. #7
    Champ daybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the roughdaybreaker3 is a jewel in the rough
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Kenner, LA
    Posts
    1,070

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Quote Originally Posted by FishingBack View Post
    "drinkability" is the new way to say "tastes like water"
    I like how Bud had commercials slamming "dark, heavy beers" and at the same time has Michelob doing fancy "dark, heavy beers"...

    I do have to give them props for at least using Michelob to create macro versions of craft beers. It can only help people get interested in different styles, and lead to them trying out actual local craft breweries.

    Plus, at the recent WYES charity beer tasting, Michelob brought some special beers not released, and they were pretty good (for Michelob), anddecent compared to other craft beers- they had an Agave Wheat, a Pilsner, a Lager, and a Dopplebock... So I have to give Michelob credit for not sticking to the traditional "make it light and 'drinkable' so people will buy it" method.

  8. #8
    Dawg Adamant Argument Czar Guisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond repute Guisslapp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    In your mind and under your skin
    Posts
    29,875

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Quote Originally Posted by Darbonnedawg View Post
    I wil just keep drinking Mic Ultra and I don't give a damn where it comes from.
    Seriously?!? Do you taste anything when you drink that?
    Jordan Mills on choosing Tech:
    “It’s a great experience seeing them play. It was a good atmosphere. The fans stood up the whole game and never sat down. They have a great fan base.”

  9. #9
    Champ FriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond reputeFriscoDog has a reputation beyond repute FriscoDog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Ruston now (Formally Frisco TX)
    Posts
    4,179

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Shiner !!!!! Texas beer!!

  10. #10
    Big Dog Darbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the roughDarbonnedawg is a jewel in the rough
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    861

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Just good. Prefer Bud Ice Light, but it's hard to find. Not even sure they still make it.

  11. #11
    Dawg Adamant Argument Czar Guisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond reputeGuisslapp has a reputation beyond repute Guisslapp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    In your mind and under your skin
    Posts
    29,875

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    Quote Originally Posted by Darbonnedawg View Post
    Just good. Prefer Bud Ice Light, but it's hard to find. Not even sure they still make it.
    Not sure if they do. Ice beers were the rage of the 90s. Fractional freezing is about the only way you can boost the alcohol content of a beer that has very little flavor.
    Jordan Mills on choosing Tech:
    “It’s a great experience seeing them play. It was a good atmosphere. The fans stood up the whole game and never sat down. They have a great fan base.”

  12. #12
    Champ Bigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond reputeBigdog13 has a reputation beyond repute Bigdog13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Keller, Texas
    Posts
    16,450

    Re: Fractured History Lesson

    I used to enjoy Petes Wicked Ale back in the day. Shiner used to be a lot better. They changed the formula back in the mid 90's and it became a little lighter and watered down. It's still good but not as good as it was.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts