We are in the middle of LIGHTNING SAFETY WEEK , June 23 - 29. Might be a good time to review lightning safety tips: http://www.lightningsafety.noaa.gov/index.htm
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We are in the middle of LIGHTNING SAFETY WEEK , June 23 - 29. Might be a good time to review lightning safety tips: http://www.lightningsafety.noaa.gov/index.htm
Arab inTexas
An Arab enters a taxi cab in Dallas, Texas ..........
Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio, because he mustnot hear music as decreed by his religion and; in the time of the prophet,there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidelsand certainly no radio.
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the side,stops the cab and opens the back door.
The Arab asks him: What are you doing man?
The Texan answers: In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
So get your ass out and wait for a camel.
You gotta love Texas !
Founder of McDonalds went to see the Pope and said if you will change the line in the Lord's prayer to give us this day our daily hamburger, we'll pay $5 million.
Pope said we can't do that. McDonald's guy then says ok, but we will pay you $500 million for the change.
The Pope says that he will have to present the change to the cardinals for approval.
Pope goes to the cardinals and says I have good news and bad news.... the good news is that I have found a way to get the church $500 million. The bad news is that we are going to have to lose the Wonder Bread contract.
Subject: Fw: Complete vs Finished
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.
His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.
Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.
Today has been unofficially declared Chrissy Teigen Appreciation day.
This day in history, 1953, the first Corvette was assembled in Flint, Michigan.
Also on this day in 1914, Archduke Ferdinand and his wife were shot to death, which was the lead domino to fall resulting in WWI.
magic # 922
I'm appreciating ALL of that!!!!Originally Posted by OLDBLUE
Today has been unofficially declared Chrissy Teigen Appreciation day.
Drive By
My former boyfriend broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick bastard!
SEX
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore ….. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France
races, whilst on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.
The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".
SCAM
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money!
Pass this on so others don't get scammed.
Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" The prostitute said, "if you ate a tin of beans would you know which
one made you fart?"
Easy Jet
Paddy calls Easy Jet to book a flight. The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "How do I know! It's your plane!"
On this day in 1967, Jane Mansfield was killed instantly when the west bound car she was in collided into the rear of a tractor trailer truck east of New Orleans La on Hwy 90 coming from Biloxi, Miss.
On this day in 1972, the U.S. Supreme Court rules that capital punishment, as it was then employed on the state and federal level, was unconstitutional. The majority held that, in violation of the Eighth Amendment to the Constitution, the death penalty qualified as "cruel and unusual punishment," primarily because states employed execution in "arbitrary and capricious ways," especially in regard to race.
In 1976, with 66 percent of Americans still supporting capital punishment, the Supreme Court acknowledged progress made in jury guidelines and reinstated the death penalty under a "model of guided discretion." In 1977, Gary Gilmore, a career criminal who had murdered an elderly couple because they would not lend him their car, was the first person to be executed since the end of the ban. Defiantly facing a firing squad in Utah, Gilmore's last words to his executioners before they shot him through the heart were, "Let's do it."
And now you REALLY know the rest of the story! If only it didn't take so many mistakes.
And don't forget:
Mountains can be moved, if you know the Builder.
You have to crawl and then walk before you can run.And don't forget:
Mountains can be moved, if you know the Builder.
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