Sounds eerily familarOriginally Posted by TYLERTECHSAS
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Sounds eerily familar
''Don't be a bad dagh..."
It's a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debtandliving on credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.
As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute.(who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit!)
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel Owner.
The hotel owner then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.
The traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee.
And that, my friends, is how a "stimulus package" works!
A mother took her little boy to church.
While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”
The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.”
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.“
The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear.”
Good old Memorial Gym
A man is standing on a concrete floor holding a raw egg with his hand outstretched. Without the aid of any objects, he is able to drop the egg two feet without breaking it's shell. How does he do it?
What two words, when combined, hold the most letters?
Post office?
Catches it with his other hand?
This morning when I buttoned my shirt and the button fell off, I grabbed the door knob and it came off, I picked up my brief case and the handle fell off . . . . .....I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.
Nope, but that would work.
He lets it fall 4.5 feet. It fell 2 feet without breaking.
So, it wasn't the fall....it was the sudden stop on the concrete.
A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers . She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.
"How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?"
"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ," he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their
cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a
no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided
to send her husband a romantic text message and so she wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If your are laughing, send me
your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a
sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
The husband texted her back:
“I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”
WWDog
La Tech
Region and hyphen free since 1894!
Flagship of the University of Louisiana System
That's great. I'm going to have to share it.
David Letterman’s Top 10
#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry
whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.
#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on
a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon
at 15% isn’t.
#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better
job of spending the money I earn than I would.
#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as
nobody is offended by it.
#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun,
and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from
murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service
that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a
home invasion.
#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of
babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive
and comfy.
#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to
free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we
should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.
#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be
allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and
give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the
Democrat Party sees fit.
#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite
the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never
get their agendas past the voters.
…And the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to
pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own
because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in
America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those
other countries.
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