I just laughed so hard I got the hiccups!!!Originally Posted by WWDog
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I just laughed so hard I got the hiccups!!!
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I'm a great gambler and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It's a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand - with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa says, “I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!”
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
I'll drink to that!
WWDog
La Tech
Region and hyphen free since 1894!
Flagship of the University of Louisiana System
Me too, but I gave up milk.
I don't drink much milk myself. However, I bought some chocolate milk....Wal-Mart brand... and drank it. It was very good!!
Walmart is da debbil.
Maybe so....but there are not a lot of options in Natchitoches, LA.
I love Walmart. You can see everybody, I mean everybody there. Right, everyone hates it, no one shops there, yet you see everyone there. Go figure. Sam Walton was an entrepreneur's entrepreneur. Brilliant, driven, innovative...successful. Now, you sorrow-pusses are just jealous and envious. Let it go. (Egad! I just contributed to the stupidest thread on the forum)
uh oh...dawg80 you don't know what you just started!
I admit it. I shop at Walmart sometimes, too.
Not even close.
I deeply dislike Walmart, so that means I'm jealous?
By that reasoning, dawg80 must be crazy jealous of Obama!
Went to walmart the other day so my wife could get the type of Ragu she likes. They don't sell the mushroom Ragu at the local grocery here anymore for some reason. Any way, Walmart is another world. When I go to Las Vegas I watch people instead of gamble. People have the strangest reactions to an atmosphere like Las Vegas. Walmart rivals Las Vegas for weird people. Perhaps a little too weird in many respects.
WWDog
La Tech
Region and hyphen free since 1894!
Flagship of the University of Louisiana System
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